Saturday, May 15, 2010

The Garden

I enter the garden
it is quiet here

the silence fills the air
like a trickling fountain

there are those who stand about
and wear their peace
like robes of solitude
basking in the beauty

I make my way first
toward the mother
who sits enthroned in the center
my trembling genuflection
briefly passing between us
as I bend over and kiss
the worn smooth surface
of her face

this is my window
into heaven

I rise and make my way to another
and when I have kissed them all
I take my place amidst
the waiting ones

we enlarge our hearts
and empty them
the smooth silk of hope
rising from a passing censor

* * *

It echoes inside...

For many months I have wearied myself
from this walk of disruption

I see as if in a dream
that I have sent countless lives
into a turmoil
with my kicking
and thrashing
and longing to be understood

I have work to do
why don't I just leave everyone alone
and go back to it?

* * *

The beauty consumes me
it soothes my weary mind
and laps at the edges of my soul
like the waters of a peaceful lake

I make myself invisible
but still I feel the eyes
burning into my back
the side of my face
my soul – the eyes
and the questions

the sense of loss
and the sense of anger
everywhere I go
those eyes!
once filled with such
mystery and wonder

(perhaps I should not remember
it like this, but instead
the greeting smile)

* * *

I unfold my heart
and tell him everything
I have inside

there's the look of weariness
the sense that he feels so helpless
as the healer – how to heal my soul

we go through the motions
because that is all we have
grace must come from beyond us

* * *

I resume my place again
in the grove

the new leaves shine brightly
glistening as tears

the bark is white and smooth
you can feel the sap
coursing through veins

a breeze comes through the branches
a song

I breathe
that's what I am here for

and everyone else?
they have each entered their private garden
and who am I to guess or say
what they find there?

I must forget them
leave them
and find myself alone
amidst the chaos and beauty

we are humanity
each and all and every one
a single unique humanity

* * *

the shafts of light come through the trees
glistening on the prayers as they rise
their subtle nuances caressing the soul

I know the best place to be in this life
it is here in the grove
amidst the holy ones
verdant with the beauty of open arms
as they rise up their sturdy trunks
to the heavens

there they are crowned with praise

and I find myself so insignificant

even my sins become nothing more
than compost
to feed them

* * *

I wear my folly as a crown
woven in leaves of springtime
and autumn

I cast my cares as bread
to the birds that are willing to take them

* * *

the silence echoes again
the silence and the beauty
my eyes are filled with tears
and I hope no one can see them

they will lock me up
if they find me here like this

in our world
tears must be hidden

I need not ask myself their cause
but I ask myself if that is as it should be

I explore blind alleys
and dark hallways
in my soul
the paths that perhaps
should be left unexplored

the silence and the mystery
and the beauty goes on around me
I am there, but I am not
I am somewhere within here
captivated by my hopes and my dreams
lost in the dying breath of my ambition

I find a true gem
to hold as my own sorrow

I will wear this sorrow
as a glory and a crown

It is the sorrow that I care not what others think
but will forge my way forward into the unknown
because I believe it is the holiest of holies
who has made for me a path there

it is a lonely path
private and misunderstood

when I love someone or something
it is seen as decadence and obsession

when I give up someone or something
it is seen as hopelessness and despair

such is the way of the poet

we are not meant to live true
but to live in never-ending layers of falsehood
each wrapped
more tightly about ourselves than the last

an accommodation to all who find us
to give them the means to calculate the measure of our souls
because most people cannot endure to encounter
something they cannot quantify and measure

* * *

the beauty comes back to me again
as a breeze

the branches sway and glisten
the shafts of light seem to alter
slightly as if a passing ghost
has disturbed them

a song arises from the woods
my heart is so full I cannot bear it

I know the path I must walk on
I know that forgiveness and understanding
is in the depths of the woods
dark, dank and deep
on my left-hand and my right
but my path is straight forward
toward the light
glistening with my tears

I will encounter reconciliation
when they are ready
to give up the lies they've chosen to believe

it is not for me to choose the place
or the time, but to walk forward
carefully and cautiously into the unknown
bright with beauty and mystery
glistening as the stars

* * *

the garden dissolves around me
I am a different man now
but I have not given up the truth

the wood, the hay, the stubble
it has been burnt up in the fires of beauty

now truth rises up as a gemstone in my heart
a sapphire burning brightly with mystery
a ruby burning brightly with passion
an emerald glistening green with promise
a diamond glistening with hope

there are mysteries I have encountered here
there has been conflict and misunderstanding
I bear much of the fault
and tears will come again
because I know this

but I cannot bear the fault
nor blame myself
for someone else choosing to believe a lie
and there is nothing I can do to convince
anyone of the truth

I will walk forward in hope
and beauty of soul
I will walk forward in determination
and in truth

if falsehood and lies snatches at my feet again
I will trample them beneath my heel
but I will not stop on this journey

* * *

I come to the garden again and again

it is in my soul