Thursday, August 28, 2003

Another Dream


It has been a while since I've posted anything.

Well, I'll explain that in a minute, but I'm posting because I've had another one… another dream. A haunting dream. This one, I would even call a nightmare.

I was running. I was running down a hall and all the doors were closing on both sides of me as I came near them. I could hear them slam and bolt shut, one by one by one…

And I kept running.

I know why I was running too… someone was chasing me.

I could hear their steps echoing down the passage way behind me. I was afraid to turn and look behind me… afraid for how near they might be… afraid of what they might look like…

The terror welled up within me as I ran. I was yearning to look back, and yet yearning all the more to get away. The fear of what was behind me intensified. I wanted to look… to see what it was for sure. I wanted to turn around and look… but I couldn't. The fear controlled me.

And it didn't stop.

I kept running and running until I thought my heart would burst, and all the while the fear kept welling up inside me, and then, suddenly, it burst.

I shot up in bed wide awake, drenched with sweat, and breathing heavily.

So, now I've gotten out of bed and come to tell you.

It is a little bit of a relief to say something, but I'm still afraid. I'm afraid to go back to sleep.

What if it happens again?

But then again, I'm afraid to sit up. I drew all the drapes, closed the kitchen blinds. But the darkness outside is foreboding – it narrows in on me, seeming to crush my tiny apartment in its grasp.

I thought at first I would feel better to climb into bed, and pull the covers around me. But that didn't do. I could still hear those echoing steps running behind me.

Well, I'll tell you what I've been doing and maybe that will help.

I had some community service to do on account of the assault charges. So, I've been volunteering to hand out leaflets for the EOO. You remember the Eternal Order of the Onion?

It really isn't so bad. In fact it is kinda interesting. Most people don't even look at you while you stand there, but every once in a while someone actually stops and talks.

Like Martha. She's been stopping and talking to me every day. I think she's pregnant. Anyway, she says she's really into the onion thing. It reminds her of being pregnant. She hasn't said that she's pregnant, but you can kinda tell she's a bit round down there… like the onion. How when you peel off layer after layer there is a baby inside. (Her words, not mine.)

Anyway, I feel sorry for Martha. I think she's homeless and pregnant, but I'm not sure. She walks around on the streets late at night stinking of alcohol and somebody else's cigarettes. At least I've never seen her smoking herself.

I'm not into the onion thing myself. It was just something to do to get my CS hours.

Well, I'm kinda sleepy. I think I'll try and hit the sack once again.